I was hired to write website stories for the existing Miller “Girl in the Moon” campaign. The stories existed along a time line of the 20th century. Sample story below:
April 4, 1971
Of course, it was destiny that both of Andrew’s girlfriends would cross paths. Every man secretly believes he can keep a love triangle going. Let me tell you, I‘ve been around a long time. One woman is a handful. Two women – well, crack a High Life and hear me out.
Andrew was naturally shy around women, so he could not believe it when Mary, a tall girl with the grace of a gazelle and a slight overbite started paying attention to him. Soon they were an item.
Mary had a sunny-side-up perspective on life, the kind of attitude that makes a happy hour just a little happier. She was also quite good at darts. Only one flaw darkened an otherwise perfect personality. At the age of eighteen, she’d gotten braces, and when the braces were tightened she became moody and distant.
Andrew, having heard about mysterious processes of the body that rendered women strangers from time to time, accepted these moods stoically.
Prebraces, Mary could crack open a bottle of Miller High Life with her back molars. After her braces, Mary attempted to duplicate the stunt and bent her wires, much to the stern display of Michael Priest, her orthodontist.
Nicknamed “Mike the Tightener” by his long-suffering patients. It was rumored that he tightened braces an extra twist when he was mad at his wife.
Amanda worked as a cashier down at the local sporting goods store. One day, Andrew was getting some camping gear and met Amanda. An innocent conversation about a tent led to other, increasingly dangerous conversations.
I am one of the few women who understand men, not that this gives me any peace. Andrew’s dilemna, the male dilemna, stretched back over centuries to the very beginning of civilization.
Andrew was happy with what he had. But what he didn’t have intrigued him. Even cavemen occasionally wandered into Aisle Seven. And, much like Andrew, they lived to regret it.
Juggling Two Women
Juggling two women is not as hard as juggling four cats. But it is much more dangerous. Andrew entered into a double life, one filled with lies, half-lies, and occasional truths, but only about the weather.
Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Fridays, he saw Mary. Mondays, Thursdays and Saturdays, he saw Amanda. Sundays he went to church to express regret.
It all came unraveled on April 4, 1991. Andrew arrived at a party with Amanda (it was Saturday.) And there, at the party, was Mary.
Andrew still thought he had control, the demented fool. He went to get a High Life. Just as he was taking his first swig, he caught sight of Amanda and Mary embracing.
It was the first time in history a High Life didn’t taste cool and refreshing. It tasted like a terrible twist in a cautionary tale.
Turns out that Mary had also ventured into Aisle Seven to pay for a new dartboard. She and Amanda had struck up a conversation and become friends.
Within five seconds of them seeing each other at the party, Andrew had been established as a snake. Andrew fled the scene. Neither woman ever spoke to him again.
Shortly after 3 PM on June 17th, Andrew was ambushed while walking in the park. It took doctors thirty minutes to remove the dart from his butt.
Coincidentally, Mary had had her braces tightened at 2:30 PM. But this is circumstantial evidence, Andrew was left with a buttock that ached when it rained.
And now, let us raise a glass of bold refreshing High Life in a toast to Andrew.